Finally

I'm not one to look forward to trainer sessions, which means riding outside. I'm not opposed to this as long as I can stay comfortable temperature-wise.
Over the past several years, preparing to ride outside meant sliding into a set of tights (no bibs or chamois) that were given to me by my brother. They were, how you say, a bit big even 3 years ago. Add in a steady decline of mass (~25lbs) in the past three years and they become REALLY big. The drawstring waist looked like an accordian on full compression. Needless to say, I needed to find a new solution.
When I first started looking in the fall, I thought I was going to get a hook up on some Craft gear but that fell through, so I looked elsewhere. I decided on a set of Vermarc SuperRoubaix bibtights (non-bibs need not apply) size L according to their website sizing. I eagerly awaited them but once I got them and tried them on I was disappointed to find out the legs were too small and I couldn't even pull them up over my thighs (insert fat joke here). Because I got a different hookup, I couldn't return them so I threw them on eBay and got hosed... barely got half what I paid.
Imagine my surprise when I saw a set of Campagnolo knickers on blowout, so I ordered the size XL given my previous foibles. They came and I tried them on. They seemed to be the right size; not too small, not too big. The first ride in them, however, I spent about 30 minutes continually trying to get them pulled up enough so the chamois hit the right spots. There was also the minor problem of me twig and berries not getting any benefit from the fleece lining. To gloss over delicate matters, let's just say the tights were too big. DAMMIT!!! I figured I could have a friend's mom sew them up for me to take up slack so I set about safety pinning the bejesus out of them. The results were better but not 100% acceptable.
So I came full circle back to Craft and ordered a set of their winter knickers size L . They came today and after trying them on with underwear (return policy dictates) I believe they'll fit. They have to. No gaps where there shouldn't be and a quick spin on the bike in the trainer and they seem to be the right stuff.
The funny thing is when I first looked at various options, I had the same reaction most people do when they see the sticker on a set of Assos anythings: "What?! that's insane!" Alas, I sit here with my finally-fitting knickers and two wasted pair of ill fitting knickers which essentially means I have paid for those Assos knickers without the benefit of actually getting the Assos knickers.
Lesson learned: When it comes to cold weather clothes, pay retail - utilize the return policy. Man, I hate paying retail.

-the ATM